After yet another brief blog-writing hiatus, I now find myself opening up this fresh blank page in attempt to find release from the inner chaos that seems almost impossible to escape from.
My heart hurts and life feels like it’s pressing up against me on all sides. I didn’t want my blog to turn into a personal tear jerking diary but here I am typing my feelings away. And knowing that someone out there is reading this gives me even the slightest bit of comfort. Anything helps at this point.
I’m also due to get my period tomorrow. But I’m still not going to dismiss my current state of distress by saying that oh, it’s just PMS.
I honestly don’t even know what to write on this blog anymore but one thing I do know is that I cannot quit – ever.
By the way, the main reason why I haven’t written much in so long is because I did not want a cyber stalker/harasser to stay updated on my life. Now that I’ve cleared the matter up in court, I feel a lot better about posting more on this blog.
I also apologize for the beginning of this post being sad and kind of dramatic. I promise I’m doing much better now, as God continues to prove to me that no matter how bad life gets, everything works out in the end, though usually not in the way that I’d expect.
After some consideration and reflection of my life over the last couple months or so, I’ve had some interesting realizations. I realized that there are certain things that have a huge impact on my happiness, satisfaction, contentment, motivation, self worth, and pretty much my whole outlook and approach to life.
One day later…
I’m laughing at myself right now because I can’t think of what it was that I wanted to share about yesterday…
Okay I think it’s coming back to me. The “certain things” reference above are just things that have a certain substantial amount of stability. I think this matter of being stable is a pretty big deal for millennials, even when we don’t know it’s such a big deal.
Another big reason for my blogging hiatus was that I felt so unstable in all areas of my life – work, finances, car, family, relationships, spirituality, other miscellaneous items, and the list goes on. In such a state, where I felt that everything was beyond my own control, I kind of just shut down.
When I shut down, it’s difficult for me to even know how to write on a blog that is supposed to be helpful to those who read it, because there’s this false idea in my head that I really should only be writing here when I’ve figured things out.
The problem was, I couldn’t seem to figure things out for a while, so motivation went out the door. At the same time, if I didn’t take any action to get things more under control, then I’d remain stuck and unstable. Oh, what a dilemma.
I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I will say that right now my life is by no means where I’d like it to be, but at least I now have one area of life that has significantly stabilized through getting a new part time job that somehow fit my routine (or lack thereof) perfectly, and pays better than any job I’ve ever had.
This is the point where I was like, okay, the only way this job could fall in my lap was God. If you don’t believe in God, then call it fate. If something is supposed to happen in your life, in will happen no matter what. If it’s not supposed to happen, then it won’t happen. It’s quite simple actually.
So maybe it didn’t work out with this or that job, and maybe it didn’t work out with this or that boyfriend or fiancé, but as time continues to move forward things start to become more clear and the puzzle pieces begin to fit together. It’s always 20/20 hindsight, right?
Anyway, since this post is supposed to be an “update on life,” and you’re supposedly following my “journey” to see how my adult life turns out, I’ll just make myself vulnerable to the public once again by letting you guys know what I’m doing and how I’m doing at this point in my life, but it’s gonna be brief:
Housing – still living with mom, sister, and dog.
Relationships – dated a few but nothing lasted.
Work – tutoring part time for two kids in Beverly Hills.
Finances – still in debt, but the part time job is starting to help a lot.
Mental health – still taking two kinds of meds per day, and seeing therapist once a week.
Business – getting the ball rolling again with this blog and my IG account: @justamyllennial. Main project has been developing my online course that is set to launch at the end of the year!
That’s all for now and thanks for reading all the way to the end. I really appreciate you. 🙂