Last night I went to CVS to pick up my prescription medication only to find out that I got the pharmacy hours wrong. They were already closed, and I still needed to take my medication.
I had two options. I could either get very anxious and worried about what my life would look like after not taking my medication for one or two days, and then freak out or have a mini panic attack when technically I was still doing just fine. OR, I could take a chill pill, acknowledge the reality of my situation, and calmly do a bit of online research to see what the potential risks are, realize there is nothing life threatening that will happen, and come to the conclusion that it will be okay and I can just pick it up tomorrow.
I also figured that a lot of unnecessary complications or suffering can come about when the heart is anxious, since the condition of the soul has a direct effect on the condition of the body (I know this from personal experience).
The problem though, was an insurance problem. My Massachusetts health insurance is inactive because of my new California health insurance, but I was informed that my new health coverage will not be effective until March. So what can I do… Not gonna lie, I was pretty annoyed by this whole defective system and my heart goes out to all those who are dependent on ridiculously expensive meds but do not always have the financial means to get them.
After unsuccessful phone call attempts, I decided that I would just suck it up and pay for the arm and the leg ($100+) for a one month’s supply. -_-
Sometimes you have these annoying decisions to make, and I think that when it comes down to these things, the best thing to do is to weigh the costs and know what factors outweigh all the other ones. In this case, it’s my mental health, and I also know from past experience/attempts that if I stop taking medication cold turkey, the results are not good at all. Please, if you are taking antidepressants, never ever do that. Trust me. It’s miserable. Life is too short to try to wing yourself off of medication without a doctor’s approval.
Oh, another thing I did for peace of mind was texting my pharmacist friend for her knowledge and advice. Reaching out to those friend resources is always a good idea in times of need.
Decision making is needed for all sorts of matters of varying importance. The above example was just my most recent experience, unless you count my decision to go to the McDonald’s drive-thru to get an iced coffee on my way back home..
Sometimes the “right” or “best” decisions don’t really make logical sense. I guess that’s when your gut feeling or intuition comes into play – I’m not talking about those cases right now. The decisions I’m referring to are the ones where weighing the pros and cons is the main determining factor.
So in my case, the most relevant major example I can give is my decision (as well as my ex-fiance’s decision) to break off our engagement and not go through with the wedding. Otherwise I would’ve been already married by now and it makes me cringe to think about how I would be doing now if that actually happened.
Nothing in me wanted to break up, especially after we got engaged. I had already gotten so used to wearing the ring too that I couldn’t imagine myself not wearing it. Plus, wearing the engagement ring was always a nice way for me to ward off creepers, so I usually felt pretty safe around men.
Anyway the ring being a “protection” was not my point. The point was that towards the end of the relationship I really had to step back, put aside my feelings of attachment, and really objectively evaluate the pros and cons of this relationship, if this guy was worth spending the rest of my life with.
I also spoke with older friends with more life experience, and it seemed that everyone’s feeling/view was the same. And all my best friends had already been disapproving of this relationship for a long time. As well as different family members.
In the end I would say my decision was determined by two objective things that became very clear to me despite how much I wished I could avoid the pain of breakup: 1) The fact was that overall, being in this relationship made me (a lot) more depressed than happy (so I always treasured the good times way too much), and 2) I knew for a fact that I could never marry someone who was always unsure about his feelings toward me. Since that was the ongoing trend for the entirety of the relationship (I had given him way too much benefit of the doubt), I knew I had to get out of that mess.
For a little while I still held on to the idea that maybe he was still the right person and the timing was just off. But as time went on my logical mind made it clear that we had completely incompatible personalities and characteristics that can never change, so actually, it was not only the wrong time but also the wrong person. So that was when I would say the decision was “finalized” – that I would move on forever.
Oh, I forgot a third major reason for my decision. The in-laws. Because when you marry, you marry into the family and they will be your family for the rest of your life. That’s all I’m going to say.
Sometimes something may trigger certain memories – a song we sang together, a place where we watched the sunset together, the restaurant where he met my best friends. And sometimes these memories make me cry. I’m not sure how to describe the feeling, but I cry not because I want to be with him again.. I’m glad I’m not with him anymore, but I still cry because I know I’ll never be with him again.. does that make any sense??
But right now as I’m typing this I am not crying at all, but I’m sure the tears will still decide to emerge every now and then. And each time that happens, I am healed a little bit more.
Sorry if I was a little all over the place today, when I really was supposed to just talk about decision making. But I do hope that my real life illustrations made my point more applicable to your life.
“Be a man. Do the right thing.” -Russell Peters