When you have strong negative feelings toward the one you love, it sucks. It throws you off guard when you’ve been together for a long while already, after all the ups and downs you’ve been through together, after meeting the families, after becoming a part of each other’s lives for so long, after being engaged and planning for your wedding and marriage.
Love and hate are surprisingly easy to go back and forth between, because they are both strong feelings and similar in intensity. It’s not the norm, at least for me, to feel indifferent. Of course there are days when things are not good nor bad, but comfortable, and there isn’t such strong feeling attached to the comfort. But sometimes when conflict arises in my relationship, then the hatred begins to rise up in me. Kind of scary. Perhaps the word “hate” is too strong, but I believe the magnitude of feeling is conveyed more clearly.
I’d rather not use my blog as a place to vent, but I also think it helps me to process what is going on internally. Of course, I could also just write in my own private journal but handwriting takes much longer.
Not sure what to do, but from past experience it usually turned out better when we communicated about our issues once we both calmed down.
People say he’s a great guy, which he really is. But if there’s anyone in this world who does not have a single weakness or has never failed, I would like to meet that person.
I’ve been learning to appreciate him, and I hope he will only appreciate me more as time goes on. Sometimes all it takes is waking up from deep sleep, and all of a sudden you realize the best thing you’ve ever had has been right in front of you all along.